Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize