and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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