I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
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If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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