I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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