I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
