The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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