I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why did my mother make you get naked?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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