my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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