im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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