Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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