there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.