Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way