Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
