I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
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This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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