ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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