No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
