I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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