Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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