Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
