he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high