just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.