i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together