sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
