Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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