nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize