Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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