How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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