My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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