i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
