Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize