I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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