i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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