You're so nebulous sometimes
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize