"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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