he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize