My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
