I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am naked and annoyed.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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