he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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