Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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