Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.