haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are we still banned from the library?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.