shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress