dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
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you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.