Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
