I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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