I heard we made out
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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