My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
