to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
