How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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