he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
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Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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