Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
