u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize