The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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