it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
