paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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