he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
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remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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